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SAUCY SECRETS: I spotted my sister’s boyfriend somewhere he SHOULDN’T be – should I tell her what I saw?


dear Jana,

I saw my sister’s boyfriend on a gay dating app. I don’t want him out, but I think he deserves to know. I will tell her?

Nicholas

Dear, dear, Nicholas. Throw the phone in the river and leave quickly. This is not your ‘trip’. Maybe he’s a little curious, or maybe he jumped right into the gay dating app scene. Who knows. You don’t, so I would avoid it.

Instead, I would talk to him quietly. Show him your evidence and offer him a safe space to open up. Maybe he feels societal pressure to stay firmly in the closet, and if so, that’s pretty damn sad. Or if he’s doing dirty work on your sister, you can at least scare him a little and hopefully get him to talk to her.

One thing I do know is that it is never our job to ‘walk’ someone. They will do it themselves when they are ready.

Jana Hocking shares her best Saucy Secrets – and brand sassy advice

dear Jana,

I drank too many margaritas last night and made out with my best friend’s ex-husband. I can’t blame the alcohol either, I liked him for years and we always flirted a bit but last night it turned into something more and I loved it.

I can’t stop thinking about him now, but I know I shouldn’t. She already has a new boyfriend, but I still feel bad.

I have two questions – do I have to tell my best friend and would it be wrong to reconnect with him?

Help!

Olivia

Ooooh Olivia you are going to hell! That aside, let’s unpack this a bit. You’ve gotten together with a guy you like (yay!), but there’s a pretty good chance your BFF isn’t impressed (boo!).

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The typical answer would be «friends before dates», but knowing how hard it is to find a good partner these days, I hesitate to tell you that. Especially since I have a friend who is now married to her best friend’s ex. So who knows, you might miss out on a chance to get a soul mate because of friendship.

First, I would think twice if the guy loves you or just after a fun one night stand. If the answer is ONS, I would purse my lips and pray no one sees you hooking up.

However, if there is an opportunity to explore this connection more, then I would take your bestie for a wine (or 10) and confess. Maybe skip the part where you liked him for years. She doesn’t need to know. Yes, she will probably be upset, but give her time to process it and she might just surprise you.

Jana Hocking shares advice on what to do when your relationship isn't going smoothly

Jana Hocking shares advice on what to do when your relationship isn’t going smoothly

dear Jana,

I’ve been dating a guy for three months who is so loving, great with texts, amazing in bed and not bad to look at, but every now and then he says something misogynistic that really ruffles my feathers

He works in construction and they have a new employee. He told me last night, «I think she should get less money because she’s not as strong as the rest of us.» I wanted to slap him.

He also makes casual sexist remarks about my best friend who is single and occasionally shares details about her one night stands. I hate the way they judge her.

Should I leave him or is it possible to teach men how not to be sexist? Everything else in our relationship is perfect.

Mia

Oh Mia, as someone who broke off a date early when the guy started quoting Andrew Tate, I feel for you. Sadly, this casual misogyny is everywhere, and when it creeps into a conversation, it can be very annoying and deeply disrespectful.

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As much as my brain thinks you should say ‘too-taa-loo loser’, I also understand that it’s never that easy. Especially when it also has a lot of beautiful features.

When talking to a friend about your dilemma, he explained that as more women come into power with their sexuality (your best friend) and in the workforce (his new co-worker), many men now feel that their traditional masculinity is under attack.

There’s a reason why Andrew Tate had 4.6 million followers before he was booted from Instagram. It’s because MANY men feel threatened by powerful women and yes, it’s totally ridiculous, but we can’t deny that it happens.

Rather than taking the bait when he says things that make your skin crawl, I’d find out where he’s coming from? Challenge him for his thoughts. Ask him if he feels a little insecure about a woman in the workplace? Make him look at his words in a new light. He might not respond right away the way you want him to, but I guarantee you he’ll go away and think about it.

If not, boot it. Would you want to raise daughters with a man like that? No way.



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